There are few words which can describe how significant the last 12 months have been in all our lives. We (human society) have been deeply affected by a global pandemic which has changed the way we work, play, learn, interact, and, well, live. And while 2020 contained some wonderous events for me personally, such as my wonderfully personal and connective wedding, the events of the past year have also laid bare some of society's darkness as well. (For more on those sorts of topics though, I'd refer you to my Guy Fawkes Day articles.) Being Groundhog Day, I prefer to pause with internal reflection not outward commentary and evaluation.
When viewing the Groundhog Day film in my usual way today, I looked at it through the lens of this last year. When we watch films, we tend to focus on the experiences and perspective of a specific individual or group. Much of the film's background is therefore filled with people who are "extras" or side-characters. Similarly, we humans tend to view our lives in the same way. We see ourselves as protagonists in our own story and therefore see others as side-characters in it.
Groundhog Day, the film, centers the story around Phil Connors' experiences of repeating the day over and over again. Today, in my viewing, I found myself focusing not on Phil, but on the people around him. I imagined how his actions or words may impact them. Notice the impact of Phil's choice to bribe the piano teacher to oust a young piano student mid-lesson. Or imagine the impact of Phil's degrading comments toward Larry early on in the film. Now, imagine if these experiences are repeated for eternity for those individuals. Meaning, what if Phil's actions in these moments become the moments that these people have to relive with him everyday, the way he relives everyday in the film.
My point in bringing up these observations isn't to condemn Phil. In fact, later in the film, Phil is shown to be quite different as a person. We can envision how this new kind person might have patiently allowed the young piano student to finish her lesson. We also can see when Phil makes an effort to genuinely connect, or at least befriend, Larry by asking him about his life. My point is to prompt that previously mentioned thought exercise: imagine the story these "side-characters" experience through their interaction(s) with Phil. We, as the audience, see the transformation of Phil from "wretch" (to quote Rita's quote) to hero. Each character in that film would likely have a very different view of Phil. "Yesterday, he treated me like trash, but today he wants to be my friend? Will tomorrow be trash again?"
In our lives, we present ourselves to others and share with them a piece of our selves. We give them pieces of our story with which they try to build their own understanding. Now, that understanding is built through their own perspective, bias, and life-experience, but it forms a story in their minds about us. We do the same thing with them. We receive pieces of their story and form those pieces into a story that we tell ourselves about them.
I don't want to delve to deeply in this reflection, so I'll conclude here by saying the following:
Use care when building a story in your head about other people. They live rich full lives and have had wonderful and horrible experiences. Those people aren't simply side-characters in your story.
Lastly, be kind in the way you share your story with others. Your actions and your words will be the story they repeat to themselves about you.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
2021-02-02
2018-02-02
Groundhog Day 2018: Connection
Looking at my blog and seeing that I haven't published an article since last year, one might think that I'm stuck in Groundhog Day of 2017. The fact is that a year has passed -- and what a year it has been. If you're wondering why you haven't seen an article from me in a while, it's because I have been largely focused on writing for my academic pursuits as well as some other fear related research. However, my mind is not on the intellectual parts of my life, it's on the people.
As I spend time in my usual Groundhog Day reflections, I find myself thinking about connection. Human connection and our connection to our own individual lives. In past reflections, I've written about chaos, time, fear, change, and tradition; the things that make up some constituent parts of life. One piece that seems to be missing is connection.
Today, as I watch the film Groundhog Day [IMDB] on repeat, I'm noticing how Phil connects with others. Throughout the film he forms greater connections with himself as he forms greater connections with the people in his life. The essence of connection is in our intention with it. When we connect with a person in our life, we must be conscious of the significance of the mutual impact of that connection. When we connect with a hobby or interest, we must acknowledge our investment of time and effort into developing a new skill, knowledge base, or practice.
In the film, Phil Connors recognizes the significance of connection as he considers the impact he can have and has already had on the lives of the people in Punxsutawney:
"When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope.
Yet we know winter is just another step in the cycle of life.
But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts,
I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter."
"Ciao!" Image captured from Groundhog Day (1993) [IMDB]
When we focus our minds on our activities and reactions, we become lost in the day-to-day. To find substance in life, we must connect with it. We must become active participants in our own choices, not simply reactants to outside influence. That's not to say that outside influence has no place. In fact, it is through our interactions with the outside world that we discover ourselves. Without connection, life would be bleak and disjointed. Without compassion, life would be cold and empty. Without outside interaction, we would be stuck within our own inner worlds. Outside influences will always impact our lives, situations and people will always exhibit attempts at control over our autonomy. How we respond to those influences and how we choose to influence others is what defines a life of suffering or one of happiness.
Phil frees himself from his daily repetition through his connection with others. His freedom in life comes through his embracing the way that he can be a positive influence toward others. At the start, Phil views the repetition of life as doldrum and torment. For as long as he views the repetition as torment, it is his torture and seems to have no end, even in death. Once he uses the repetition to change his life and the lives of others, the cycle ends and he is free. He has transformed himself and countless others who are connected to him in life.
So, today, I encourage you to ponder the lives entwined with your own. In what ways can you positively influence others. How will you transform yourself and free yourself from the repetition of the day-to-day?
As I spend time in my usual Groundhog Day reflections, I find myself thinking about connection. Human connection and our connection to our own individual lives. In past reflections, I've written about chaos, time, fear, change, and tradition; the things that make up some constituent parts of life. One piece that seems to be missing is connection.
Today, as I watch the film Groundhog Day [IMDB] on repeat, I'm noticing how Phil connects with others. Throughout the film he forms greater connections with himself as he forms greater connections with the people in his life. The essence of connection is in our intention with it. When we connect with a person in our life, we must be conscious of the significance of the mutual impact of that connection. When we connect with a hobby or interest, we must acknowledge our investment of time and effort into developing a new skill, knowledge base, or practice.
In the film, Phil Connors recognizes the significance of connection as he considers the impact he can have and has already had on the lives of the people in Punxsutawney:
"When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope.
Yet we know winter is just another step in the cycle of life.
But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts,
I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter."
"Ciao!" Image captured from Groundhog Day (1993) [IMDB]
When we focus our minds on our activities and reactions, we become lost in the day-to-day. To find substance in life, we must connect with it. We must become active participants in our own choices, not simply reactants to outside influence. That's not to say that outside influence has no place. In fact, it is through our interactions with the outside world that we discover ourselves. Without connection, life would be bleak and disjointed. Without compassion, life would be cold and empty. Without outside interaction, we would be stuck within our own inner worlds. Outside influences will always impact our lives, situations and people will always exhibit attempts at control over our autonomy. How we respond to those influences and how we choose to influence others is what defines a life of suffering or one of happiness.
Phil frees himself from his daily repetition through his connection with others. His freedom in life comes through his embracing the way that he can be a positive influence toward others. At the start, Phil views the repetition of life as doldrum and torment. For as long as he views the repetition as torment, it is his torture and seems to have no end, even in death. Once he uses the repetition to change his life and the lives of others, the cycle ends and he is free. He has transformed himself and countless others who are connected to him in life.
So, today, I encourage you to ponder the lives entwined with your own. In what ways can you positively influence others. How will you transform yourself and free yourself from the repetition of the day-to-day?
2015-06-03
Friendship and the adventure of life
Earlier this evening, I spent some time with a pair of long-time friends who will soon be off on a new adventure in life. Last year, when writing A chapter ends, the story continues, I said that "Life is nothing without the people in it, the experiences we have, and the relationships we form through each chapter."
With that perspective always in mind, it was easy not to spend my time saying goodbye to my friends with sadness. We looked ahead with eagerness on the opportunities we can create with eachother in the future and the memories we’ve shared together in our past.
The words of my character are shown right on the front page of my website:
Yes, it will be painful to say goodbye to people who have meant so much to me. Yes, it will ache every time I'm reminded what was, but is no more. However, that pain and those aches will stand as monuments to adventures and people well-remembered.
We remember best the things we feel the most. My greatest adventures are the ones that I experienced with significance. Whether that significance comes from suffering, elation, or even repetition, those memories are truly felt when reflected upon. If there’s advice I can emphasize while I stand at the bow of my metaphorical ship, staring into the storm ahead, it’s this: Trust your instincts and skills. Respect and embrace your challenges. Love with all your heart. And, most of all, live. Really LIVE. Every moment of this life is your adventure.
Photo by Indy. The fedora after a unforgettably cold and challenging adventure.
With that perspective always in mind, it was easy not to spend my time saying goodbye to my friends with sadness. We looked ahead with eagerness on the opportunities we can create with eachother in the future and the memories we’ve shared together in our past.
The words of my character are shown right on the front page of my website:
Life is a journey through exciting challenges and breath-taking experiences. I try to embrace the fun and adventure of each day and strive not to take things too seriously.There will be significant transitions in my life this month. So many chapters will be ending, but -- as I said in that article last Spring -- the story will continue. I welcome both the celebrations and the hardships which are ahead because each will bring value and enrichment to the adventure of life.
Yes, it will be painful to say goodbye to people who have meant so much to me. Yes, it will ache every time I'm reminded what was, but is no more. However, that pain and those aches will stand as monuments to adventures and people well-remembered.
We remember best the things we feel the most. My greatest adventures are the ones that I experienced with significance. Whether that significance comes from suffering, elation, or even repetition, those memories are truly felt when reflected upon. If there’s advice I can emphasize while I stand at the bow of my metaphorical ship, staring into the storm ahead, it’s this: Trust your instincts and skills. Respect and embrace your challenges. Love with all your heart. And, most of all, live. Really LIVE. Every moment of this life is your adventure.
Photo by Indy. The fedora after a unforgettably cold and challenging adventure.
2014-02-14
Put your heart into it
Today marks a day on which many people celebrate Valentine's Day, the current incarnation of "Lupercalia" (The Wolf Festival). I'm still blissfully ignorant as to whether anyone uses the bloody flesh of a goat in their Valentine's Day celebrations, but I do know that society does put a focus on matters of the heart today. (Read my Wolf Festival article, if you're confused about my goat reference.)
Love is a prominent element in human culture. Our bodily systems physiologically reward us by and for the exchange of love. In fact, the neurological system that is keyed to that deep-set physiological response is the limbic system; the same system I find myself absolutely fascinated with in my studies of fear.
Fear and Love are tied very closely physiologically and they both have rippling effects on many other aspects of our lives. In my other psychology-related articles, I've talked about how fear can affect the mind and how we can begin to benefit from our attempts to "experience the challenge" by stepping outside our comfort zone. The comfort zone exists in love as well; in fact, it is love within that defines the boundaries of our comfort zone.
Love manifests itself in the form of many emotions: caring, comfort, empathy, intimacy, safety, security, sharing, and most of all trust. If you invert those emotions, you'll see some that are recognizable as a manifestation of fear or a subset of it: aggravation, danger, doubt, hate, neglect, selfishness, and vulnerability.
Managing and overcoming fear is a significant challenge and a commendable effort and process. Building a loving relationship also presents a similar emotional challenge. Reflecting on my discussion of challenge, you'll remember that I've established that each person's challenges, their fears, are their own. Some people may be challenged by different things than others, but that makes them no more or less significant to the individual facing them.
As we journey through our lives, hopefully savoring every bit of its deliciousness, we have opportunities to face our fears and to find ways to embrace love.
It takes courage to open your heart and expose your vulnerability and fear, whether those fears are of an experience (heights, depths, enclosed spaces), creatures (spiders, dogs, horses), or relationships (friends, companions, ourselves). Sometimes things won't go the way you hope and you might feel a bit of panic, as you experience the unexpected outcome. However, if we hide away behind our fears, we will never discover the possibilities that await us beyond them. We limit our life and shrink our comfort zone when we give up trust and forfeit our freedom to fear. I invite you to take on the challenge of trust today. Journey inward to discover what love you have locked behind the bars of fear. And, as with any life-fulfilling endeavor, put your heart into it.
Love is a prominent element in human culture. Our bodily systems physiologically reward us by and for the exchange of love. In fact, the neurological system that is keyed to that deep-set physiological response is the limbic system; the same system I find myself absolutely fascinated with in my studies of fear.
Fear and Love are tied very closely physiologically and they both have rippling effects on many other aspects of our lives. In my other psychology-related articles, I've talked about how fear can affect the mind and how we can begin to benefit from our attempts to "experience the challenge" by stepping outside our comfort zone. The comfort zone exists in love as well; in fact, it is love within that defines the boundaries of our comfort zone.
Love manifests itself in the form of many emotions: caring, comfort, empathy, intimacy, safety, security, sharing, and most of all trust. If you invert those emotions, you'll see some that are recognizable as a manifestation of fear or a subset of it: aggravation, danger, doubt, hate, neglect, selfishness, and vulnerability.
Managing and overcoming fear is a significant challenge and a commendable effort and process. Building a loving relationship also presents a similar emotional challenge. Reflecting on my discussion of challenge, you'll remember that I've established that each person's challenges, their fears, are their own. Some people may be challenged by different things than others, but that makes them no more or less significant to the individual facing them.
As we journey through our lives, hopefully savoring every bit of its deliciousness, we have opportunities to face our fears and to find ways to embrace love.
"The best proof of love is trust." -- Dr. Joyce BrothersLove is not limited to a form shared only between you and a romantic partner. Love is the bond that unites us with those aspects of our life that we value most: people, places, hobbies, pets, our world, everything. Most of all, love is a bond we should build within ourselves. By freeing ourselves from fear and exposing our vulnerability, we are exercising trust. We are giving ourselves and others an opportunity to choose freely what bond they would like to form with us. In so doing, we open our hearts and minds to truly experiencing love.
It takes courage to open your heart and expose your vulnerability and fear, whether those fears are of an experience (heights, depths, enclosed spaces), creatures (spiders, dogs, horses), or relationships (friends, companions, ourselves). Sometimes things won't go the way you hope and you might feel a bit of panic, as you experience the unexpected outcome. However, if we hide away behind our fears, we will never discover the possibilities that await us beyond them. We limit our life and shrink our comfort zone when we give up trust and forfeit our freedom to fear. I invite you to take on the challenge of trust today. Journey inward to discover what love you have locked behind the bars of fear. And, as with any life-fulfilling endeavor, put your heart into it.
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