All of life is now

"To find ourselves in a situation in which the gravity of the moment -- the weight of the now -- is so powerful that we find ourselves outside ourselves.... So that our neurotic inner-critic, the voice in our head that is nagging us -- anxious our future or saddened by the past [and] paralyzed by the past -- instead goes silent. And there is a grace in this moment [that] the weight of the now... can serve to purge you of your angst." -- Jason Silva, Shots of Awe (watch the full video and the bottom of this article)


Image Source: The Times of India

Life is a series of moments. Every moment is gone as quickly as it occurs. Neurologically, the moment you perceive as “now” is actually fractions of seconds in the past. Your perception of the present moment extends further into the past through the contextualization of memories and instinct. By the time you are cognitively aware of what is happening, your mind has already analyzed, categorized, and organized your experience.

Our minds are bound by our biology and our perception of time. However, there is power within the boundaries of our perception of time. We can harness the metaphysics of perception to free our minds from dwelling on the loss of the past and from a future limited to routine and repetition.

Last month, on Groundhog Day, I wrote about time and growth and my opinion that one should “never do nothing”. Consider the impact of the intention and focus I wrote about in that article. That intention and focus can be applied not only on growth and self-definition, but also into the perception and experience of time.

Albert Einstein colloquially explained our perception of time and relativity by saying, “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.” The reality of relativity is proven within physics. The reality of relativity within perception can be altered within our minds.

If you find yourself lost in a whirlwind of life, where every day speeds by you, try observing the details surrounding yourself and especially the details of the experience you wish to treasure. If your treasured moment is the one described by Einstein, acknowledge and intentionally remember every detail of that girl’s face. Pay attention to the way her lips move as she speaks, watch her eyes as you listen and respond, observe the way her hair and skin move in the wind or appear in the light. Make every moment an eternity of memory.

If you find yourself bound in boredom or suffering, feeling every second arduously pass within your mind, consider “zoning out”. Release your mind from the constraint of what’s at hand. If your suffering is the suffering described by Einstein, look into the distance (literally or in your mind), detach yourself from the feelings and pain of each moment. Perhaps allow yourself the space to think of your small consequence in the whole of human existence and time’s passing. Find a thought which quickens time’s passing, such as a familiar song, a memory of a slow movie scene, or the slow rolling of waves on to a beach.

Despite today being the equinox, all of time is not equal. Our minds are our perception. The power of thought allows us the power over perception and, therefore, experience. I opened this article with the rousing words of Jason Silva on the power of the present moment. You can use intention and focus to embrace that power and free your mind from the boundaries of the past and future. It all begins (and ends) within your mind.


URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWrHCCYgGSQ

Happy Groundhog Day! Pace yourself and never do nothing

Time. Hours inside days inside years inside decades. All passing in a span we call life. Our lives are defined by time. Even creatures which care not for the actual passage of time still rely on its passing for the continuance of existence. What if you had an infinite amount of time? How would you define your life then?



Another year has passed and Spring is again approaching. Today, I am once again enjoying the silliness of my Groundhog Day tradition and using the film Groundhog Day as a catalyst for reflection and assessment. This is my tenth year writing my Groundhog Day reflections. Ten years ago, when I documented my enjoyment of Groundhog Day, I had no idea what lay ahead in my life nor any thought of what transformation lay between then and ten years later.

Imagine if you awoke within your life ten years ago but with your current mind in your body. Life then would have an entirely differently feeling and your perception of yourself would be completely different. Now, imagine twenty years of perception... Groundhog Day 1996, but you know all that you do about yourself and life up to this point in 2016. Phil Connors, in the film Groundhog Day, spent near infinity in the same day, but he learned, grew, changed, improved, experimented, and explored through it all.

I have many hobbies and thoroughly enjoy finding ways to newly experience life. I consume media (books, films, articles, etc.) like a hungry man at a buffet. I'm sometimes asked how I read, watch, and do as many things as I do. My answer is simple: I never stop. Sometimes a task might seem overwhelming at first; a thousand page book, a thirty mile hike, a mountain of debt, but each challenge becomes smaller once you face it and start into it. Pacing matters, of course; find a rhythm that allows you to consume AND enjoy, but never stop.

Don't waste your time with idleness. No more whatever-is-on-the-radio while driving when you could be listening to that audiobook. No more mindless TV watching when you have so many films you want to watch but never start. No more impulse buys when you have a list of things you want to have but haven't saved for them yet. Boredom doesn't come from a lack of things to do (activity), it comes from a lack of action and intention. Sitting and watching TV is only "a waste of time" if you have no intention in what you watch. It's the difference between wandering while lost and wandering while exploring.

Time defines us and can constrain us if we do not first define ourselves. So, how would you spend your time, if you had a limitless supply of it? What growth would you seek? How would you change your connections with the people around you? How would you redefine your life? Now, ask yourself, what makes today any different than a day in Groundhog Day? You have an unknown amount of time ahead of you. You might have thousands of days more or only a few. Either way, if you define yourself and take action with intention, you will learn to define your time too.

Practice feeling afraid

You approach the podium. Your palms are sweaty. The audience is silent except for a few quiet coughs. Your mouth is dry. Do you remember what you are going to say? Will the words even form coherently? You swallow hard, briefly close your eyes, but when you open them again you're at home. You breath a sigh of relief, remembering that your presentation isn't for another three weeks. That exercise was effective though. Repeated exposure to associated stimuli is a common method for helping individuals address and overcome both minor fears and major trauma¹. The usefulness and accessibility of exposure goes beyond professional therapy and can be brought into your daily life.


Image source: Clipping of a movie poster of "The Fly" (1986) [IMDB], the film from which the pictured quote became famous.

"Be afraid. Be very afraid."
That phrase become well-known thanks to the 1986 film "The Fly". In it, when faced with a frightening situation, one character attempts to reassure while another states, in a matter-of-fact way, that one should be afraid and not pretend away from it. A similar embracing approach to fear is what I read in the short book "The Flinch". I have invited readers on many occasions to embrace fear and welcome the challenges of life. Taking it a step further, I invite you to make experiencing fear a familiar occurrence.

I'm certainly not encouraging you to go out and place yourself in dangerous and life-threatening situations. What I am saying is that you can incorporate the thought exercises and a safe implementation exposure therapy into your experiences with fear. (Beyond the minor common and/or irrational fears, I highly advise the inclusion of a mental health professional.)

I laid out a common fear in my opening, the fear of public speaking. Utilizing a similar thought exercise might enable you to feel less fear when facing the actual situation of public speaking. I don't just mean "practice your speech". I mean imagine the fear and anxiety of going through the scenario, even messing the scenario up. Take yourself through a worst case scenario and then mentally work through how you would handle it and why it's not worth the worst of your fear response. If you're afraid of spiders, learn about them and begin to understand how unlikely it is that they are a danger to you. If you're afraid of heights, sit comfortably on your couch and slowly look through images of high places.

Do these activities daily. Make it routine. You'll feel uncomfortable, you'll feel anxious. You'll react as if you're experiencing the real scenario. Meanwhile, inside your mind, the fear itself is diminishing. What was once a flutter of panic that lit up your amygdala and triggered your fight-or-flight response has now become familiar.

Be afraid, be very afraid, until your mind has learned to recognize and process that feeling as easily as hunger. Fear is manageable and accessible. After all, even if the scenario is often real, the way you think and respond to it is all in your head.

---

¹ For more information about exposure therapy, I suggest starting with this article from the US Department of Veteran Affairs [ptsd.va.gov].

Sometimes things go wrong

I recently reflected on my article about Panic, Luck, and Control. It was good to remind myself of those experiences and to consider the continuing impact of those events. The lessons of mindfulness and awareness of perspective extend beyond life-threatening situations. Today, I had the opportunity to exercise a bit of perspective while experiencing a series of mishaps.


Image source: "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" by Judith Viorst [Goodreads]

Let me begin by saying that this post is not a rant. To put it crudely: shit happens. The mishaps I experienced today were simple and non-threatening. As you'll see, I kept that in mind throughout the day.

I started the day with a vehicle that wouldn't start, probably due to the very cold temperatures in Colorado currently. A minor inconvenience easily remedied with preparedness. So, I grabbed my portable jump-starter (which I own for just such occasions), hooked it up, and got the vehicle started. The primary use of my vehicles is transporting my kids and that's exactly what I needed it for today. So, after picking them up, we were off to get some groceries and necessities.

Shopping with my kids is always very easy; we have a list, we plan meals beforehand, they know how I shop (by value not by brand), and we happily disregard marketing distractions so that we get only what we came for. So, we completed our list, bought what we needed, and went back to the car. Unfortunately, it wouldn't start again.

At this point, I suspect that the issue is worse than the cold, but -- as I have groceries and my children with me -- I need to find a quick solution now and tinker later. I grab the jump starter (which I'd had the forethought to keep with me in the vehicle for this trip), hook it up, and start the car. Yay! Problem solved and time to go home, right? Nope. I got out of the car, flip the switch off for the jump starter, and the vehicle sputters and dies. Weird. Maybe it just needs a little gas to get the engine warm? I jump it again, start the engine successfully, but get the same sputtering death when I flip off the jump starter.

With the vehicle inoperable, my daughter starts to voice a bit of concern and worry. This is where those lessons I mentioned at the start kicked in for me and I now had an opportunity to pass on similar perspective to her. I told her that this kind of things happen. Things break, plans get messed up, money gets spent, and time passes. Change and chaos are a fact of life, a fact of existence in the universe. The thing which we have control over is how we view those stressors. I explained to her that I could easily be frustrated about the car problems, I could be annoyed that our day was getting "ruined", but that frustration and anger wouldn't fix the car nor magically transport us home with the groceries and on with our day. What that frustration and anger could do is destroy whatever is make the experience that much worse.

We discussed an intentional positive focus in our perspective. What was the good news? Well, we were in the parking lot of a place that sold basic car necessities (batteries, tools, cables, etc.) and we were less than a block from an automotive store from which I could even buy engine replacement parts if necessary. My son chimed in that we could even spend more time looking at the toys and games, insisting that there's no way we could get bored.

I proceeded to deal with the car issues, we were in and out of the store multiple times. I borrowed tools, I pulled the battery, and got it tested. Meanwhile, my kids and I had a bite to eat and spent more time together. Coincidentally, while we were wandering the store, we ran into many people we knew and even got acquainted with a few of the associates. It became kind of fun. I got to see multiple friends, meet new people, catch up on news of their holidays, and shared a shrug and a laugh with a friend who was there swapping out his dead-in-the-cold car battery as well.

At one point, when we were back outside, I accidentally dropped one of the borrowed tools into my engine. My daughter's mouth dropped open with surprise and my sons eyes were the size of saucers. I just started laughing and said, "Really?! Really, Indy?! You haven't had enough yet?" I looked over at my kids with a smile, shook my head, and said, "Guess I needed to make things more interesting." They starting cracking up, the worry disappeared from their faces. I struggled and managed to free the tool from the engine compartment and finished what I was doing.

What could have been "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" had turned into a challenging adventure, not of adrenaline and life-or-death circumstance, but of everyday stress. When it was all over, I had less money in the bank than I'd planned to end the day with, but I still had two happy kids and another bad-day-gone-good memory. Sure, I'll have a bit more cleaning up to do after this, financially and vehicularly, but it's just like sweeping up broken glass when you drop a vase. Sometimes things go wrong, but nothing is really bad until the people involved give up and let that brokenness of circumstance enter their minds and hearts.

Who are your VIPs?

Last Spring, I had the opportunity to listen to a presentation by Brian Callahan, the Director of Fun at New Belgium Brewery in Fort Collins, Colorado. Amidst a number of entertaining and enlightening anecdotes about the company and its history, Brian made an insightful statement that struck me as applicable beyond business. He had been asked by another member of the audience to define what makes a person a VIP for New Belgium. Brian replied, "[A VIP] would be someone who can influence sales." He elaborated on what that meant, as far as business, but that initial sentence resonated with me and I considered its implications.


Image source: eventwristbands.com

We, as individuals, are each the product of our life’s manufacture. We build and advance ourselves as we strive to reach for goals and connect with people. Considering that perspective, one might say that many of our interactions in life are opportunities to market who we are. I don’t mean that to say that we are selfishly promoting our “product” (self) in competition with other “products” (other individuals). What I mean is that each new interaction is our way of presenting our product and how it might integrate with the current scenario or individual.

If who we are is our life’s product and new scenarios are our opportunities to utilize -- or at least better understand -- our product, then I posit that our personal VIPs are those individuals who can influence those sales opportunities. VIPs help us by providing feedback about our product. VIPs tell us about features we may have overlooked or that we underestimate. VIPs communicate with others about our utility and, as a result, provide new markets in which to promote and understand our product.

We share a bit of ourselves with every person in our life. The individuals we meet in life each have a different perspective on who we are. Some individuals have earned titles of trust: “friend”, “lover”, “companion”. The individuals who help you find new opportunities to understand and improve who you are “very important people”. Some people come into your life simply to make a transaction; to receive some specific use from your product or service in exchange for some specific use of their own product or service. Those people are merely customers and consumers. The people who form lasting relationships with you, bond with you, and feature you as a valued part of their life are “very important people”.

So, who are your VIPs?

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States of America. A day when many people spend some time with -- or at least thinking of -- the people they care about most in life. As you consider the influences and significance of the people in your life today, pay special attention to your “very important people”. Who is it that has special understanding and access to the true nature of who you are? Who promotes you, uplifts you, and encourages you to explore new possibilities? Who gives you goals to aim for and benchmarks of growth? Who values you more than just a transaction of interaction and utility? Who wears your brand, talks about your achievements, and visits your events as if they were their own? Who provides constructive feedback to you, about both your successes and about your opportunities for growth?

VIPs can influence your sales. Therefore, put special attention into the people who will improve and build up who you are. Recognize and acknowledge your VIPs. Connect with them and tell them “thank you” for being very important people in your life and for helping you to discover, explore, investigate, and promote who you are as a person and connecting you with opportunities in life.

Role Models of Defiance

Today, it is again the fifth of November. A day during which I like to consider my place in society and society's place within myself. In previous years, I've used this day to prompt discussions regarding privacy, surveillance, control, and even a bit about setting boundaries. This year, I'd like to discuss the importance of questioning established systems.

I've written before about the costs and concepts of tradition and complacency before, emphasizing the benefits of critical thinking and asking "Why?".

You would not devour a meal before minimally evaluating its edibility, therefore I also encourage you to carefully consider what intellectually digest before you risk poisoning your reason and wisdom.

The same sentiments can be applied toward establishments of authority and organization. In fact, a number of psychological studies imply the challenges encountered when one does not have a healthy counter-balance for authority. One particularly famous (or infamous) study is the Milgram experiment [Wikipedia]. In these studies, Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram measured an individual's willingness to obey the orders of an external authority and inflict perceived harm upon another person, even as inflicted that harm was contrary to their personal ethic. (Hank Green does a great job of summarizing this experiment in "Social Influence: Crash Course Psychology #38" [YouTube])

Of the results summarized by Hank, one significantly caught my attention: "Subjects are more likely to comply with orders if they didn't see anyone else disobeying, no role models of defiance." (You'll notice that it was Hank's words within that video which inspired this article's title and prompted its contents.) When I first heard those words a couple years ago, the gears began turning in my mind. What does it mean to be a "role model of defiance"? Do we have any or many in our society which stand in such a role?


(Please read footnote ¹ regarding this image.)

Politics haunted by fear

This morning, I was greeted by a post from my friend and frequent collaborator. He sought my opinion on "Scary Politics" [Slate].
Fifteen minutes later, I had written what clearly needed to become a full blog article. So, after a bit of editing, here it is....


Image source: "Fear" - Pixar Wiki

Fear is an effective motivator. It's instinctive and requires no higher thought; this is both a good and a bad thing. On the one hand, it can save our skin (literally) when rational decision making would take too long. On the other hand, our innate bodily systems (e.g. the limbic system) override and highjack our rational thought processes. In effect, our mind becomes helpless to the control of fight/flight.

You can see this response reflected in the current conservative base: Fight against perceived threats (terrorism, "lawlessness", drugs that will harm "the children"), run from things which overwhelm your already stressed mind (climate change, social inequality, religion vs reason), prepare for potential problems (tighter budgets, closer to home focus), etc.. Meanwhile, the liberal base is almost blinded by a euphoric abundance of hope and trust. Care for those in need (welfare, healthcare), provide for the future (college loan decrease, better fund education), invite social change and progress (look to the youth, legalize same-sex marriage), etc.. (For initial thoughts on the relationship between fear and trust: "Put your heart into it")

The result of these related but opposite "feelings" is a fundamental clash between ideologies (summarized well recently by Reddit user SnappyCrunch [Reddit]). In my opinion, what's needed is healthy critical thinking on the issues. Sometimes, fear needs to be acknowledged and obeyed. Other times, it needs to be set aside. I try often (and also encourage others) to recognize "The Flinch". Once you recognize that fear response you can engage higher reasoning to determine "Is this something I react to or push through?".

Personally, every time I face a challenge and feel that fear response, that flinch. I would acknowledge it and recognize that -- at that moment -- my body and senses were preparing for what I was going to do. Furthermore, I reassured myself that I had learned and developed the necessary skill to take on what I was about to do at that moment. And then... I proceed with the appropriate action based on those skills and understanding not based on the baser reaction. (If during my honest self-assessment, I felt that I did not have the necessary skill, I would choose not to proceed. Remember, critical thinking is about the decision not the outcome.)

Politically, this means acknowledging the triggers we have as a society and then addressing them on a grander scale with rational thought and respect for those who are struggling to overcome fear and expand their comfort zones. We can do this, but it's going to take effort within the mind of every individual before it will effectively change on a societal scale. As I said in one of my defining blog articles, "Life isn't about panic, luck, and control; it's about love, respect, and trust."

Help me get my PhD

I'm preparing to take a significant academic leap in my life: I intend to get a PhD.
You may have known that this announcement has been building for some time. I had been wrestling with both the intention as well as the timing of this decision. After such consideration, I decided that the Fall of 2015 was the right time to take the first steps.



Over the next few months, I'll be preparing my application, taking the necessary preparatory exams, and meeting with professors I hope will be my mentors in my degree program. My desire is to study and research fear. If you've been a reader of my blog, then you know that I'm fascinated by the psychology of fear and challenge. I would like to hone that fascination and turn my various hypotheses into working theories and models. As with many things, this will take time and money; it is with those two things that I'm asking your help.

This is a big decision, not least ways financially, and I'd like to minimize the amount of debt I go into as a result. I would appreciate any amount you're willing to give me. Within these first months, you'll be helping me to pay for taking the GRE and the study materials to perform well on it. You'll also be helping me pay application fees and order the necessary documents.

To make a donation, of any amount and at any time, click the button below or visit http://donate.indy.cc


Money isn't everything. I want your help keeping my focus and motivation. Ask me about my progress, remind me about my priorities, encourage me to continue forward. Life is all about the connections we make and you have connected with me; I value your input, advice, and encouragement.

Thank you for your support, both financially and motivationally.
I'll keep you informed of my progress as I walk this journey. I hope to hear your cheers along the way.

Remembering Reid

Last week, the world lost a fun and uplifting person and I (and many others) lost a friend.
Reid Levin [reidlevin.net] was a friend of mine from my days in High School. Since that time, I'd been an avid follower of his comedy and regular reader of his blog. Before leukemia ended his life on August 25th, Reid said, "I didn't get to finish my story." Seeing those words on his blog [reidlevin.net] really struck me deeply.


Photo source: Wikipedia

I've written before about life's story and the importance of appreciating the adventure of life. This year has been filled with change and challenge for me. Losing my friend Chris to a hiking accident was unexpected, but felt somewhat pallatable, as I make conscious choices to take risks as he often did. Losing Reid affected me in a different way entirely; he didn't choose the path of life with cancer, but he accepted it as best he could. Furthermore, he did all he could to bring happiness to the people in his life no matter how distant from him we were.

I've learned a lot this year, through the examples of both my friends and many others. I am so grateful for the people in my life who have helped me along in my adventure. Reid, I'm so grateful for the smiles you brought me and many others. You may not have had a chance to finish your story, but I hope and think it's still being written in the hearts and minds of the people who know and miss you.

Review: Beyond

Wow.
It’s not often you find depth in brevity, yet here I am in awe of Joe Penna’s short film "Beyond".


URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heCXjUIvw24

The story, the music, the emotion, the meaning, all amazing. Beyond is a beautifully made film involving time-travel, technology, intrigue, and philosophy, but most significantly it is a story that depicts the search for meaning and purpose in life.

At only 40 minutes long, this film is well worth watching. And, I hope, it resonates with you on a personal level, reminding you to seek peace and happiness in your journey through time.